Saturday, 22 January 2011

Pimp Your Pod - The Incursion Collection

With every expansion, our associates at Freeboot and Green Customisation and Modification like to stay ahead of the style curve with a new product line to suit the discerning pod pilot.
Previously on Pimp Your Pod we've released the Tyrannis line and the original Pimp Your Pod sale, but this season's range has been tailored and designed by our flamboyant and colourful in-house fashionista, Grünbart. Reportedly cousin to the man who put the spikes on the Sansha's Nation ships, he is very proud to introduce the all new Incursion Collection.

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Mmm, well hello, ist very good to be seeing jou.

Mein name ist Grünbart unt today I will be sexing jou up in the latest delicious fashions. Here at 'Freeboot unt Green Customisation and Modification' we like to find the true you by peeling off that extra layer unt getting right inside of you.

Our inspiration this season has been zee very nasty, very sexual Sansha Kuvakai. I was once his lover you know, but he ditched me for zat whore cousin of mine just because he had bigger spikes unt promised to sex up his Nightmares.

Anyway, with his entire nation of sexy zombies in zere uber-spikey spaceships, Sansha shows us how to really work zee spike. Mmm, he's a bad boy with a taste for sharp poles.

In his honour we have created our spikiest range yet, with many options for impaling. Ooh, watch out.


SANSHA'S HELMET

With the recent beautification of the capsuleer population, the constant risk of injury is a concern for many. It would be expensive to have to replace an entire clone simply because you've damaged your pretty little head slipping on some amniotic fluid whilst exiting your pod.

Remove all risk of unexpected brain injury with this stylish Sansha's Nation styled helmet. Contoured and comfortable, this pseudo-low tech design hides an array of optional features.

Optional Extras:  Internal audio-visual system, marquee messaging strip, beer-can holder with delivery system, electrified spike.


KUVAKAI KICKERS

The must-have footwear for men and women, these hand-made shoes come in a variety of designs. Shown here in the unisex model, other variations allow you to customise spike distribution and colour (available in black, pink or 'Nation Taint'.

Optional Extras: Left/right indicators, illuminated spikes, space-walk grav-clamps, poison kick-spikes.



NATION SHADES

There ain't nothin' cooler than a space zombie in shades. Emulate your favourite Nation pilot with these head-turning sunglasses. Guaranteed dynamic protection against up to 200-billion candlepower and fully compatible with all existing perception implants, order yours now whilst stocks last.

Optional Extras: HUD Interfacing link, Thermal/UV Imaging, Freesat.



ZOMBI CRIB

So you managed to recover your child from the kidnapping skullduggery of the Sansha hordes, but now the little bambino wants to wire itself into your electronics and eat everyone's brains. This bespoke cot will keep it at bay with a sophisticated array of surveillance and telemetry equipment. Restraints and pacification equipment to suit.

Optional Extras: Automated milk dispenser, ThermoHug heated blankets, Baby-prod stun-stick. Biomass tank functionality.


PRICKLY PLATING

Both aesthetically arresting and secure, these custom spike plates can be fitted to any metal surface from the outer skin of your capsule to your hangar bay doors. Completely guaranteed against space-debris strikes and rust, the spiked look will draw envy but deter climbers and other interlopers.

Optional Extras:  Chrome spikes, decorative lighting, musical doorbell.



INTERIOR SECURITY SPIKES

Available for both security and recreational use, these retractable spikes can be fitted to any flat surface within your ship. Stop your enemies, surprise your friends, always hilarious but occasionally messy.

Optional Extras: Tilting floor/bottomless pit entertainment suite (shown), self-cleaning nanites, humourous 'boing' sound effects, 'Sports Commentator' announcement system.

3 comments:

Lay it on me.