Sunday, 27 November 2011

Mark726's 'Twas the Night Before Crucible


‘Twas the night before Crucible and all through New Eden
Not an alliance was stirring not even Pandemic Legion.
The ships were all docked in their stations with care
Except for the supercaps that couldn’t go there.

Each capsuleer was nestled all snug in their quarters;
While they dreamed of session changes that soon would be shorter.
And I also settled in, with my creepy pod pilot cap
Thinking how nice it would be for a long New Eden nap.

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter;
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter!
Away to my balcony I tried to run fast!
But my Incarna legs meant that I got there last!

The station lights gave an effervescent glow,
And gave illumination to whatever might show.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear!
But a hooded pod pilot spreading good cheer!

With a swish of the hood, I could see he was Amarr;
Then that must be our own CCP Hellmar!
More rapid than dramiels his developers came.
And he messaged and posted and called some by name!

“Now Soundwave, now Punkturis, now Affinity, now Navigator!
On Greyscale, on Nullarbor, on Tuxford, on Guard!
From the center of high sec to the depths of W-space,
Let’s clean up this mess and make EVE a better place!”

He flew through the station, like a stiff wind with some sails,
Leaving gifts where he went, including engine trails!
They sprinkled some dev dust, fixing this and fixing that.
The new BCs alone will certainly change our combat!

But new ships were not all that CCP had in store.
The new font and UI scaling might make your eyes less sore.
New modules were coded, yes more things are tech 2!
And hybrids are buffed to breathe life to Gallente pew pew.

Even industrialists can be thrilled with their newfound fuel blocks;
Alas the poor miner is stuck still just staring at rocks.
Stargates now align to the star where they shoot
Ships across lightyears when they are en route.

New pretties have been added to make space more exciting;
The new nebulae alone are almost beyond describing.
New cyno effects can give cap pilots some bliss…
Especially now that they see how often their shots miss!

With one button you can now warp and jump through a gate
And finally, new warp tunnels, goodness, this must be fate!
Time dilation will slow down big battles in null sec;
And a ‘loot all’ button will speed up looting a wreck.

With gifts of all kinds for us good capsuleers
Hellmar and team have finally fulfilled wishes from past years.
As they flew off, I heard his voice rattle
“EVE Online is back, to each a good battle!”

by Mark726 of EVE Travel

Download the audio reading as heard on Voices From the Void podcast here.

DIRECT DOWNLOAD

25 comments:

  1. Wow, fricking awesome

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  2. Does this mean we get to call you Father Crucible? ;)

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  3. awesome... awesome to the max!

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  4. I'm glad everyone likes it :-D. And we can call Hilmar Father Crucible!

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  5. I had the worst day at work. Came home to read this and cannot stop smiling. It's gonna be a good Christmas. Full of killmails and joy, and maybe a few tears. Thanks for an awesome post.

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  6. CCP, thankyou for fixing what was broken..... TOOK YOUR SWEET TIME!!!!

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  8. This is so much awesome. Welldone man

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  9. That is just Pure ownage , greatly done and thanks for putting a smile on my face .

    +100 to you mate

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  10. legen....wait for it....dary!

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  11. you've just forgotten the new shiny textures .. but awesome blog. take care in the new nebularies :D

    Also the stupid suicide ganking comes to an end, b'cause u loos your insurance if concord wrecking you down .. YEAh ,, f**** yeah.

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  12. Well spotted anonymous, I too noticed the lack of reference to shiny new textures. Fortunately, I've got Mark726's back and covered that in the very next blogpost.

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  13. Cant patch, 'sup with that? Just tells me its incompatable version with server.

    And forums being down cant really go there... :P

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  14. hehe awsum.. well done!!

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  15. So.. MUCH.... WIN!!!! *sobs*

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  16. thumbs up m8, good work!!

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  17. i shed manly tears, it was so well written.

    MANLY TEARS!

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  18. That was priceless and I love this and you. I may even give you a reach around.

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Lay it on me.